The word LISTEN contains the same letters as the word SILENT. ~ Alfred Brendel

Listening is the act of mindfully hearing what another person is saying to you. To  listen actively means that you are giving all of yourself to the communication process.  You are listening to what is being said and not thinking about a response.  Truly listening is not a skill that is actually taught but it is a vital ability in any aspect of life.  Although, hearing is a biological function it takes conscious effort to truly hear what someone is communicating to you. 

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. ~ Winston Churchill

We are told that we have selective hearing, the ability to tune out what others are saying based on our interest in the conversation.  Our boss is micromanaging how she wants us to mail out some papers and we are no longer actively listening to how many stamps she wants on the envelope because we know that we can weigh it and print out the exact postage needed.  But there is a nuance in active listening that we may not realize that affects our ability to authentically communicate because how we listen impacts what we think was said that therefore it impacts our response. By not truly listening we deny the speaker of their truth of what they want to communicate to us.

Sometimes the most influential thing we can do is listen. ~ Bob Burg

Here are four simple behaviors that we can utilize that will help us to be better listeners and therefore be better communicators. 

Focus as you Listen

Give all of your attention to the person speaking.  Give full concentration to what is being said.  No distractions; which means that you are not looking at your cell phone or papers; you are looking at them.  Full eye contact shows you are paying attention to the speaker.  You are also not trying to think through how to respond.  If you are thinking about your response you are not actively listening to them.  Focusing on what they are saying shows you care.

Connect with Others

There are times that we are on auto pilot when we are speaking to specific people.  We tune out the babblings of our granddaughter going on and on about the movie she watched and why this new princess is the best.  We nod and make generic comments to show that we are paying attention but we aren’t.  We need to show that we care about what others are saying.  That despite the fact we may not be interested in the subject matter that we are interested in them as a human being.  Show our granddaughter that she matters by actually hearing what she is saying. 

Be Open Minded

We need to be open to the possibility that we do not know what is going to be communicated to us.  Anticipating what is going to be said is not knowing what is trying to be communicated.  We also need to be open to receiving criticism in a non-reactionary way.  Hear what is being said without the ego getting defensive.  Sometimes we make mistakes and need them pointed out to us so we can learn from them and grow.  Be open minded to what is trying to be communicated. 

Be Polite and truly Listen

Face the speaker and give them direct eye contact showing interest in what they are saying.  Smile as you are listening showing that you are open to what they are stating.  Be respectful of the person talking by not interrupting them; only speak once they have completed their thought.  Active listening is a sign of politeness and respect which should be given to the speaker. 

Summarize what you heard

            A great way for you to be certain that you understood what the speaker was communicating is to summarize what you heard.  You can also ask clarifying questions to help you better understand different points that where discussed.  This also shows the speaker that you were truly listening and trying to understand what was communicated. 

It takes a great man to be a good listener. ~ Calvin Coolidge

Remember, all of us just want to be heard.  And as we become better listeners we become better parents, better leaders, better teachers, better partners, and better friends – better human beings.  If you need help in improving your listening skills contact me, I would be happy to help communicate more authentically.

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